details...very tiny ones

We have made it to the time and place where Blake and Jess start a family. Minor detail...things don't always just go as planned...and that is definitely the case for us. So, I guess you could say we are working on a baby...

In the midst of this journey (sometimes difficult, exciting and overall, sort of like a roller coaster), I have found that although situations in life may bring constant suspense, I have constant certainty that my future is decided and taken care. I have written down ten verses for myself to memorize and claim during this time.

The other night, I came home from work to find Blake getting ready for work and trying to multi-task. We were supposed to be getting an internet set-up kit via UPS that night and it hadn't come. He was making the appropriate phone calls to see what was happening. When he didn't get the answers he wanted, we decided that we'd just eat dinner and go on with life as normal. Although, he didn't really like that idea, he tried his best to concentrate on getting ready for work. He had to leave for work around 6:30, and I was going to Bible study shortly after that time. Blake was concerned that no one would be home to gather up the package when it was delivered, IF it was delivered. He spent his last 15 minutes at home that night, looking out the window every few minutes to see if the UPS truck had pulled into our apartment complex yet. Finally, discouraged, he gave up and picked up his bags and headed for the door.

Before he left, he turned and said, "Hey, I read about Abram and Sarai this morning in my devotions. They really prayed expectantly for a child. I was really encouraged by that." I agreed and told him about my verses that I was working on memorizing. I quoted my verse of the week for him.

Psalm 37:23-24 The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in EVERY DETAIL of their lives. Though they may stumble, they will never fall because the Lord holds them by the hand.

He encouraged me, said goodbye and left for work.

I needed to put some gas in the car before Bible study, so I decided to get ready and head out the door. I took my time getting reading and picked up the house a little bit. In no hurry at all, I headed out our front door into the rain and walked right in front of headlights of a large truck. At once, I realized what this meant -- the internet set-up kit had arrived!!! It was almost like Christmas day.

I walked back into our building, met the UPS delivery man in the doorway, signed for the package and put it inside the door of our apartment. I locked up our apartment and headed back into the night.

I didn't get but two steps out of my front door when I realized the sheer hilarity of the situation. It was like God swooped down, put the UPS delivery truck in my driveway that night and said, "Yes, Jessica, I do DELIGHT in EVERY DETAIL of your life...even something as silly and small as internet."

I laughed to myself and hopped in my car. With tears in my eyes, I laughed the whole way to the gas station, laughed as I pumped gas and the entire way to Bible study.

Thank you, Lord, for Your promise that you direct my steps and you delight yourself in every detail of my life.

God With Us

I am always sad to see Christmas go...

It's time to take down the stockings, tree and ornaments and replace them with the "everyday" decor. It's sad...

But one thing is sure...the whole meaning behind Christmas, the "reason for the season", the CHRIST is in Christmas still remains.

His unconditional love, everlasting power, and unspeakable joy have come for us.

He remains.

He is near to comfort, protect, guide, encourage, strengthen and help.

Emmanuel. God with us.

The Interim

While reading Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist today, I picked up on this phrase: "Everything is interim". Nothing speaks more to my life and what I am learning than that...

I am, by no fault of my own, a typical TYPE A personality. (Thanks, Dad.) Several of my strengths are also my biggest weaknesses, such as planning EVERYTHING out...you know, the typical "5 year plan" person...that's me. However, I have learned, over the past month, all about allowing the Holy Spirit to have free reign in my life...and he has WRECKED my life and my thinking. Completely.

I am maturing and growing out of my need to plan every next step. I want the Spirit to lead me in each conversation, interaction, worship service, time alone...every moment.

I can make plans, write in permanent Sharpie marker, and pretend not to hear, but God has a way to make Himself and His agenda known. I often think that once my husband finishes school, once we start to "settle down", once I figure out what I want to be when I grow up, once we figure out whatever it is we need to figure out, that I will have a stable, permanent, NORMAL life. BAM! Just like that. But, how sorely I was mistaken...

Life with God is EPIC.

Shauna Niequist says it best. "Life with God at its core is about giving your life up to something bigger and more powerful. It's about saying at every turn that God knows better than we know, and that his Spirit will lead us in ways that we couldn't have predicted. I have known that, but I haven't really lived that. Life is twisty and surprising. It keeps us moving and dancing and watching, and never lets us drop down into a life set on cruise control or a life ruled by remote control. Life with God is a daring dream, full of flashes and last-minute exits and generally all the things we've said we'll never do. And with the surprises comes great hope."

So, you see, everything is interim.

I will write in pencil in this life, but allow the Spirit to write in pen on my heart.

His Love

Isaiah 53:5 He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities...

Tonight I am reminded of the song by John Mark McMillan, How He Loves.

There is no way that my mind can comprehend the love of my God...and what lay ahead for Him didn't keep Him from coming.

Thank you, Jesus, for your love for me.

Chosen

Blake and I spent the evening Christmas shopping for each other and our families.

While walking through Macy's I experienced something very familiar...insecurity. I never realized there were so many make-up and perfume counters at the front of the store until tonight. Their attempt at defining the modern-day woman is absolutely astounding.

I imagined what the saleswomen thought of me as I walked by in my frumpy clothes and modest makeup, cubic zirconia earrings, and cheap purse.

But, as I walked the aisle of insecurity, the word of God spoke.

Isaiah 41:9 I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, "You are my servant." For I have chosen you and will not throw you away.

I have been chosen by the King. And I will draw my affirmation from Him.

Everlasting God

Everlasting God, a song written by Brenton Brown and Ken Riley, is straight out of Scripture and completely a promise from God.

Here's what it says...

Isaiah 40:27-31

"Do not think your way has been disregarded by me. Don't think I am unaware of what you're going through. But know this: the Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. He knows everything, everyone inside and out. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord and wait on Him will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

It seems like I have so many requests, needs, desires that I ask of the Lord. I take heart in this promise from the Lord, that if I wait on him, I will find new strength in who He is.

The Lord is the everlasting God. He reigns FOREVER. He is our hope and strong deliverer.

We will wait upon Him.

Beginning again...

It's been 4 months since my last update...and I have said this before, but I think it's time to get serious. I want to turn this blog into something more...

Lately, I have re-encountered the integration of the Word and worship and how the two should be linked. Inside Out Worship: Insights for Passionate and Purposeful Worship by Matt Redman and Friends has been instrumental in bringing new light to this journey of mine. Louie Giglio writes, "Worship and the Word are inseparable. As worshippers and lead worshippers, we must continually link our lives to the living Word of God, both to nourish our souls and to fee our flocks. Worship does not begin with music, but with God. Songs alone don't change people. It's the truth that sets us free. If we're not careful, we can quickly inhale the feelings and emotions we experience in corporate worship, only to go away with little lasting and substantive change in our souls."

So, you see, the purpose of my blog, has taken on new meaning for me. As a challenge to myself, I am embarking on a new journey of memorization of God's promises from His Word. I want to use my blog to let others on this thing of digging into God's Word. Even more appealing to me, is the discipline that this will create in my life by being in the Word every day.

My prayer is that I will seek God with all my heart in this. I know and believe that when we seek God with ALL our hearts, we find Him. As desperate as I am to find Him, He is chasing me.